Poetry

Window of Opportunity

I remember looking out of my bedroom window and seeing them
coming to take me away,
I remember looking out of my window and not knowing how my
future is going to play,
I remember looking out of my tiny cell window to see anything
other than boring 4 walls,
I remember looking out of the bus window and seeing my new
home, my skin crawls,
I remember looking forward to the trial and to my window of
opportunity to go back home where I belong,
I remember looking through the window of the courtroom to hear
“Guilty” and knowing home time will be long,
I now look out of the window to the distance ahead, the window of
learning education, the window of becoming that better person,
My window of opportunity has now got bigger and better, brighter
and stronger, hopeful and powerful,
Keep your window open and make your horizon whatever you want it
to be.

Window

Once upon a clear violet sky at night,
As sparkling diamonds visible within my eyesight,
Way up,
High up in the magical moonlit sky shining down on me,
As I am gazing through my bedroom window of curiosity,
Truth be told,
As a five-year-old,
I have not been told or knew my beloved nanna passed away shortly ago.
As I am looking out of my bedroom window of my heart,
As I know my nanna called me her brightest golden star,
Within this whole wide universe as little miss sunshine.
My nanna whispers to my heart from the heavens above,
Always stay happy Bonnie forevermore.
Do not let the sunshine high up in the sky,
Ever see you sad, angry or cry,
Pretty bluebirds sings and sits high up on the bright colourful rainbow,
As musical bluebells rings on the green green grass hills,
As the angels above sings along to a happy song to bring happiness to me every day,
As I smile and my tears melts away,
As I look out of my bedroom window of happiness,
Looking at the big bright clear blue endless sky,
As the sun rises, shines and sings,
“You are my sunshine”
I look through my bedroom window of hope,
White doves, red breast robins and pretty bluebirds soaring up, over and through the magical rainbow,
And angel waiting in the wings,
In heaven,
For the golden warm sunrays to shine, shine, shine,
Like a sparkling diamond shining so bright at night,
Shining upon the angel wings of love shine ever so pure, radiant and magnificent,
I can see a bright, beautiful, colourful, rainbow shining high up above,
Reflecting from my nannas mother of pearls shimmering wings of peace, joy, hope and love.
Every night before I lay my sweet head down to sleep,
I look out of my window of hope to find and point to a star,
Knowing that is my nanna shines upon me,
As I am looking through the window of love, knowing that is my nanna watching over
me from above,
Blessing me with all her love from within my nannas heart,
My nannas halo shines so bright, warm and delights me morning and night,
As the angel of destiny and fate is kind also brings me love, joy, kindness through my
life,
As the full white moon is high up in the violet sky.
As I close my eyes,
I dream a dream of me and my nanna,
Once upon a time,
Through the window of my dreams,
As words become rhymes,
As dust fades from sight, same goes the northern lights,
Deep down the end of the crystal blue ocean,
The waves seem to move in slow motion,
A golden star rises as the dawn awakes,
Like a phoenix high up,
the clouds are at stake,
A streak of red, yellow, orange fiery flames,
Dances and prances as the night fades,
A yellow star forever shines over the rainbow and far away,
On the emerald green green grass hills,
Bonnie and Bridget has come out to play,
Wherever little bluebirds sweetly sing,
“Somewhere over the Rainbow”
As the melody travels through the colours of the wind,
Even squirrels, hedgehogs, foxes, deer and soft cuddly bears,
All could hear the secret,
Notes on the harp strings within their own hearts,
Ancient myths and miracles we know today,
Such as creatures like shimmering fairies, Green suited leprechauns, pointy ears elves
and pure white unicorns,
Come out to use their miracles and magic upon those who believe fate strikes like lightning and thunder.
She smiles at those whose hearts are filled up with love, kindness and hearts full of wonder,
On the beautiful warm summer’s day,
Flowers such as red roses, yellow core daisies and pink tulips blooms forevermore.
Beyond over the rainbow and far away.
Dawn till dusk,
Aurora lights appears,
Diamonds visible,
The moonlight here,
High in the violet sky,
Clouds disappear,
Hold close the ones you love so dear,
Once again morning comes,
Red roses say the sun has come out to shine.

Untitled

I am straight
I am bisexual
I am transgender
I am lesbian
I am gay
I AM HUMAN

Windows to the Soul

Sitting on my bunk, on my first night in.
Tears in my eyes, what have I done?
The door slammed shut, my heart hit the floor
Here for an eternal sentence, freedom no more.

A voice from the bunk above says
“Never mind crying, you are here and that’s it.”
The tears still fell, but in silence I sit
Thinking in silence how much I am so afraid.

Tears are all dried out I fear to shout
Into a sleep I have fell still thinking of hell
Tossing and turning my freedom I’m yearning
I am here and been sentenced, to hell I am bound.

My conscious now stings about many a thing
These slithers of light from my windows at night
The light burns inside devouring all pride
The window to the soul leaves no place to hide.

Windows

The view from my window is bleak and grey
Tall and wide sits this monstrosity
made to keep ‚Äòthem’ out and ‚Äòus’ in
A true reflection of man’s inhumanity to man
Darkened not by the weather or some other natural force
But by the lingering souls of the poor unfortunates whose destinies
remain unresolved
Leaving a pervasive odour of cynicism and sadness
that comes only from those that have experienced and endured
the curse of the asylum.
Branded by their affliction
Marked by the scars of mania
Unsoothed by any medicament
But, the view from my window is not all it may seem
for there is beauty and kindness and joy in abundance
blue skies, green grass, flowers and trees
the flora and fauna and the things unseen
except when you change the way in which you look
an optimist’s panorama perhaps
new life new hope new inspirations
A small adjustment to the lens with which you peruse the world
makes all the difference in how we perceive.
The picture from my window changes not just with the seasons but
with the joy or sadness deep within one’s heart.

Window Into My Soul

I’m looking through a window. What do I see?
I see a face looking back at me.

He looks familiar, is he someone I know?
He makes me uncomfortable, I wish he would go.

There’s a look on his face, I wonder if it’s fear.
Do I recognise him? My mind is not clear.

I want to know who he is, my curiosity has risen.
He looks like he’s behind bars, is he in prison?

Oh my word! I’ve just realised it’s me.
What am I doing here? Why aren’t I free?

I’m looking through a window into my own soul.
Years of stress and turmoil have taken their toll.

Someone wants me to accept what has happened, prepare myself.
To find faith maybe, to accept god’s wealth.

To change my ways, to be better, to accept the love of the Lord.
To battle sin, strap on my armour, grab my shield and sword.

I will fight evil. I will say no until my last breath.
I can then embrace the Lord, run merrily unto death.

For I will not be afraid, not anymore.
He is with me, of that I am sure.

Ukulele Lady (A Ballad)

Chorus
She’s a ukulele lady,
In a ukulele band,
She plays her ukulele daily,
All across this troubled land,
To make the sweetest music,
She don’t need nothin’ grand,
Just a uka-luka-uka-luka-lele in her hand!

Verse 1
She tried the pianoforte,
But it didn’t suit her style,
She was far too naughty,
To be seated all the while,
In the concert halls and soirees,
They would not let her stand,
So she gave up tinkling ivories,
For a ukulele band.

Verse 2
She had a bash at drumming,
But she found it very dull,
There wasn’t any strumming,
And no strings that she could pull,
She didn’t get the limelight,
At the back, you understand,
And so she chose to shine bright,
In a ukulele band.

Chorus

Verse 3
She wasn’t one for guffin’,
So she tried the double-bass,
It ain’t easy being smitten,
With a wardrobe in your face.
Have you ever tried to haul a
Double-bass across this land?
Best keep to something smaller,
In a ukulele band.

Verse 4
A lady friend suggested,
“Have you ever tried the flute?”
And soon she had invested,
In a small one, very cute,
And though it was a balfer,
Fitting snugly in her hand,
It didn’t really melt her,
Like a ukulele band.

Chorus

Verse 5
On a trip to Honolulu,
She heard a lovely sound,
That she was strangely drawn to,
‘Neath the palm trees all around.
The music she was hearing,
Echoed far beyond the sand,
And playing in the clearing,
Stood her ukulele band.

Verse 6
At the age of ninety-seven,
Her body turned to dust,
And she went straight to heaven,
Like all musicians must,
At the pearly gates to meet her,
Waiting at his music stand,
Stood the saintly old St. Peter,
And his ukulele band.

Final Chorus
She’s a ukulele lady,
In a ukulele band,
She plays her ukulele daily,
All across the promised land,
To make eternal music,
She don’t need nothing grand,
Just a uka-luka-uka-luka-lele in her hand!
Just a uka-luka-uka-luka-lele in her hand!

To My Mum and Dad

I’m just a guy without so much,
Few electricals, clothes and such.
But these items I possess come nowhere near,
To two people I hold so dear.

Let’s start with my mum, my wonderful kind and caring mother,
You’ll look for eternity to find another.
She’s my comforter in times of pain,
My second pair of hands when I feel life’s strain.
She’s thoughtful, generous, loving and wise,
Whose arms I rest in when I have to cry.
I’ll leave it that so one day you’ll discover,
The wonderful person that is my mother.

Never leaving my father out ‚Äì he’s my number one guy,
With a heart of gold, you can’t deny.
When I have struggled with money, or just with life,
He’s always been there to help me with my strife.
I made a decision to never let him go,
That is a fact that is unbreakable of which I’m sure.
He loves his music, his sport and his wife.
My mum and his kids are his entire life.
I feel honoured to call you my Dad,
Lots of love, from your little lad.

Through the blossoms

As I walked through the blossoms,
The wind through the trees
Colours in my eyes
The freshness of the breeze.
As I walked through the blossoms,
Alone and in fright
All of a sudden
I see something in sight.
A man starts to wander over to me
He seemed really happy but bewildered to see,
As I walked through the blossoms,
I began to hear,
You’re a little too early then I let out a tear.
He held my hand and walked up the stairs
A dream that I thought but I was really there
As I walked through the blossoms
I knew where I was,
A small place called heaven
I was holding hands with God

The Windows of Walton

Behind the windows in Walton
I’ll just sit and stare
While my body is here
My mind is not all there

Behind the windows in Walton
I countdown the days
But it’s not getting closer
It seems so far away

Behind the windows in Walton
Is a man without a name
I ask why am I here
But only I’m to blame

Behind the windows in Walton
I countdown the days
Until I can see you
Then maybe, I’ll be me again

Sycamore

S aying sorry has never been easy in the past

Y et since doing courses and time going by, I can at last

C hange my behaviour; it’s what I’ve worked on

A nd my bad attitude and my stubbornness is all gone

M oving on with my life with forgiveness is what I crave

O nwards and upwards with empathy and understanding; all starting with how I behave

R econciling myself to what I have done; the people I’ve hurt and what I have caused

E diting my old ways and starting afresh, making amends, my life no longer paused.

Staring out my window

The days are slowly going by,
Can no-one see I’m stuck and upset?
Don’t they wonder why?
One day I’m happy!
Most days I’m sad!
I think to myself ¬–
I’m kind of like a crab.
I do my own thing,
I snap unexpectedly
My life is actually hectic
And actually detached ‚Äòretinaly’
Staring out of the window
A lot on my mind
I’m not going to worry
I’m going to SHINE!

Silence

Silence. The key to everything. When watching the volatile, vulgar, violence, I’m silent. Blood. Bones. Mass murder as living evidence. I’m silent. Merciless spears thrown viciously into innocent and cruel alike. Both witness and victim are silenced by the heavy iron bars which are “screwed” into their hearts and minds. As the bullet enters my body, I feel small. Vulnerable. Naked. It sends pains piercing psychotically into my every limb. Pain grunts from my gut, but I’m silent. This silence ensures I am not silenced forever.

I’m silent, but the pain threatens to burst the seams of the wounds which have been stitched by an unpractised hand. My tormented soul and ravished body cries out in pain; heard only by the deaf. Life seems worthy of a leaf flying carelessly in the wind. Lost. Eternally silent.

Silence. The sickening smell of warm humanity rushes over me, oozing, like black, dense mud. I squirm and breathe. I feel stifled. I look up into the deep green seas and see greed and craving, seeping and lapping with every wave. A sudden urge fills me. The wish to silence myself forever. As these thoughts indulge me, the expression on top of me is blurred into a meaningless staring face. But then, through my half open eyes, I see a light strike the mighty depth, turning their dullness and degeneration to opal and silver, as the bullet sinks in. I promise myself that for those great, big emeralds; for the shining, loving look in those eyes, I will once again use the key to everything.
Silence.

I’m silent. But not eternally.

I’ll turn my leaf in the storm, into a forest in the breeze.

Sexual Abuse

Sat in silence
Fading away
Sat in the darkness
Praying it will go away
Mummy thinks I’m okay
Little does she know
I’m tearing away
Insides feeling bruised
Feeling so loose
Can’t be bothered to move
I know I’m going to lose
Claiming it’s all my fault
I down some water and salt
My food keeps coming up
I guess I’m out of luck
From a positive test
To a fucked mess
I’m sorry daddy
For all the stress

Razor Wire

Walking back from gym, the sun
this late spring evening, lights upon
the coils of razor wire.

And, for a moment, we behold
a blazing filament of gold
that sets the fence on fire.

Please…

Please don’t hate me for mistakes that I have made
I am only a human being who has lost my way
Please don’t define me by the wrongs that I have done
I know in my heart I can learn from these things one by one
Please don’t let me do this without your love to keep me strong
I need you more than ever to help me right my wrongs
Please don’t think I don’t know how selfish I have been
I know only too well I hope you can believe
Please help me to remember who I once was
So I can look to the future with hope and love
Please guide me back to where I should of always been
With my baby I love you,
Please,

Looking Through the Window of My Life

My Mum My World

Dear mum, I hope to see you again in a place where you are out of pain. I am sorry for everything I have done wrong, but it was you who kept me strong all along. I hope to find a path that you would put in place, because I trusted you like my best mate. I am now 32 the whole world is out there, but I don’t care it was you who was always there with love and care. I am scared of the unknown this is out of my control I just want you back and we will have our Sunday dinner at home.

I will take care of your 2 other lads I will try my best. I know they must be sad, I only want to help to make you proud and glad, and give them the life that we all have never had. Its hard where I am now but enough about me I still remember our back garden where we planted that tree, we watched it grow as you did me, and one day we will be reunited and I may have my own family.

I will end it here mum just as long as you know, I just wanted to help you not let you go but until that day we meet again I will hold the family fort and show your other 2 sons everything you taught you were loved so much please show me signs that you are still in touch because I love and miss you so much,

Love, your son

Looking out of my window

Looking out of my window,
I used to have to have a beautiful view
looking at the birds.
Now I am in prison
looking out of my window
is not a pretty sight.
Crisp wrappers, litter everywhere.
Why do people feel the need
to throw litter out of their window?
There are birds, Ravens and Pigeons.
How I long to be on the outside
looking in on the prison.
But I am not.
Looking out of my window.
It’s all I seem to do
with the lockdown
stuck in your cell.
So, I look out of my window
dreaming for better days,
dreaming for when the lockdown finishes.
Looking out of my window,
I do that now, I actually open my curtains.
For 3 months, I rarely opened them.
I was in such a dark place.
Darkness had engulfed my very being.
I look out of my window
and have hope and light.
I am slowly getting better.
Praying helps, knowing you have someone up above
Guiding you and showing you the way.
So I look out of the window,
I see the good things,
the trees and the birds.
I look out of my window,
where there is darkness, there is light.
I keep myself busy with knitting and my art,
it gets me through the lockdown.
Being kind and honest to the other inmates
and Officers help me and them.
So, when you look out of your window –
what do you see?
I hope you see the world as I do
but if you don’t,
I hope it gets better.
Just look out of your window.

Letter to Mummzy

Verse 1
Yo mummy where do I start I know I turned into a rowdy yute and that breaks my heart I stay up late in my cell thinking to myself where am I gonna end up am I gonna be dead in a grave or like daddy locked in a cage I cant live this way it kills me knowing it hurts you that ya sons are doing you wrong am sorry that ive caused you so much stress am begging to wipe those tears cuz I know that you have always done ya very best I know theres been times where ive put you to the test so all am saying now mummy is go lay head cuz u deserve the rest

Verse 2
I remember the good times we had do you remember the time when you flipped that pancake and it landed on cons head ye its mad but on the other side we have had sad times but mum am proud of you because ya kept ya head up evan though you lost 2 sons 2 daughters and a granddaughter yeah and Stacey is a bitch for blocking you but just know esmae will always be in ya heart devon looking down buried in ya heart but now mum thank you for being the greatest mum wouldn’t change you for a different mum I love you mum yeah I love you mum, bless

If I could turn back time?

If I was given a chance to turn back time would you commit crime. Would you do well in school, would you even give a damn about being cool. I know I wouldn’t, I would NEVER have been late.

Couldn’t care who saw me hug my mum at the gate. I would never have took drugs or hung out with petty thugs!

Just thinking of turning back time it upsets me, thinking of what could of been mine. A beautiful wife, kids, fast car and lots of money. But let me tell you something not so funny. I’m in jail and have ruined my life and yes you’ve guessed it, I’ve got no wife, and as of lots of money, there would have been a time when I’ve not even been able to buy honey.

So yes if I had a chance to turn back time I know for a fact I’d have a lot more to call mine. All I’ve got is a shit load of thinking time.

I’m going to say it one more time, only if I could turn back time, I’d have a beautiful girl to call mine.

Hitabdut

The corruption of the world still lingers like a dull dark mist, slowly converting
me to the dark side. Sometimes I listen to the whispers in my soul, sometimes I
allow it to take over my every thought, my every emotion. But I remain in
control. I have the last word in this long, continuous battle.

I have fought the longest battle, never ending. I moved from place to
place, for the same pain to transpire, this time in the form of
different ‚Äòfriendly’ faces. Continuously I was damaged. Broken
beyond repair, The pain pierces my body, destroying all the life that
was left inside me. On the inside, the numbness is overridden
by the pain and helplessness. The guilt, the doubt, the hate, it
smothers me like a self-suffocating thick blanket of
smoke. I cannot breathe. Pinned by my bruises,
I cannot move.

On the outside, I am silent. My eyes
are closed, trying to
seek an escape. Inside
is a chorus, all lost hope
chanting negativity. The
memories come, showing
no mercy. Every touch
I feel, defines a new scar. Time
and time again, my innocence is
stripped from me, the poison is injected
into me, and my body disgusts me. All self-
love is burnt to ash. And the hate sparks from that
same flame. The fire I cannot escape.

Escape.

All I want to do is escape, stop the heartbeat, the breathing, the pain. I
just want to save you all, it eats at me every second of every day.
I want to hold you, and tell you it will be okay. But that’s a lie. It never
gets better. I am surrounded by danger. Trapped with
people who pretend to care, competing with
the devil himself. History repeats itself. The
numbness becomes familiar, like
my own heartbeat, a blanket
of protection.

The angel of death herself, beckons me.
And I accept. Willingly.

Forever Bond

I will be your voice when you can’t speak
I will lift you up when you feel weak
I will be your guide when there’s no one left by your side
When you feel like you can’t get through it
We’ll get through it together
There will be no buts, maybes or whatever
This bond is forever

For the true love of my life

From the very first moment I saw her, it hit me
instantly, there and then.
It felt instantly incredible, like a tidal wave of love,
it came and hit me like a jet plane.

I looked into her chocolate brown eyes and there was a
nice surprise, it hit me right between the eyes.
We then spoke and I told her everything about me
with no lies.
It was a mad, amazing feeling, being honest with no
lies. It came instantly with no warning, no shame.

Embarrassment and fear, sat there talking while
having a beer.
The love was instant and we both knew it was there.
I felt like a child again knowing she was near; she
knew it too, I could tell by the look in her eyes there
and then feelings were there.

Dive

Like a moth to a flame,
I am misguided by the light.
To dive straight in,
To burn to death.

Black History

Black music has Rhythm and Rhyme,
Listen to this anytime.

Aretha was the Queen of Soul,
Chuck could really rock n roll.

King of pop sang Billy Jean,
Hendrix guitar sound was a dream.

I acknowledge their place in History,
So many made an impact like Mariah Carey.

Tina Turner was simply the best,
Otis stood out amongst the rest.

Ray Charles really could play,
Yesterday’s hero he was and still is today.

Being trapped!

Being trapped
It makes people snap
The lack of sun
And having no fun,
Living with two boys
One still plays with toys
While the other raps
And loves BBQ chicken wraps
I put others first
Putting me at my worst
When I should focus on me
I’m there
Because I want to be freed
I’m trying to make you happy
I’m trying to help you out
If you focus on others
You’ll only get smothered
My life being trapped!!!!!!!!

A Day Behind the Door

Another night with little sleep,
Lay on a mattress two inch deep.
Made of plastic-covered foam,
A far cry from the one at home,
Laid on a base of grey plate steel,
The aches and pains are all I feel.
Awoken at the crack of dawn,
As staff arrive to earn their corn.
The clinking, clanking sound of keys
As doors unlock and inmates freed
To join the wing with apprehension,
Each day is different, filled with tension,
For we don’t know what will occur,
Stepping from behind the door,
We join the line to take our meal
As others jump the queue you feel
Like causing hell but you don’t dare
The screws watch on but do they care.
And when our plastic tray arrives
We eat with plastic forks and knives.
It’s tepid, tasteless, lacking season,
To fill a hole the only reason,
It doesn’t go straight in the bin,
Then out I go to join the din
The shouting, squawking, endless babble
And sit down for a game of scrabble.
Five minutes left the shout goes up
And so I rush to fill my cup
With boiling water from the heater
My nightly cuppa makes life sweeter
Back in our pad the bolt goes on
That’s another social done
There’s not much room for two to share
At times it makes the tempers flare
To get through we must compromise
To reach the final day, the prize
Will it ever come, we fear,
Each week a month, each month a year.
I tick each day as it goes by
Lay on my bunk I wonder why
I could commit a stupid crime
That brought me here to do my time
And as I settle in my pen
What of tomorrow, same again.